In our years of interacting with New York City Singles, a trend has emerged – the focus has shifted from being the right one to finding the right one.
As millions of dating and personals websites and smartphone apps provide unlimited number of profiles and pictures, each individual has got to work, superfluously skipping through profile after profile – winking or swiping left/right in a hurry. The focus has shifted from quality to quantity. The more profiles you look at, the more your chances of finding love. Pretty simple, right? We disagree.
As a New York City matchmaker, I always tell each one of my clients that finding love, and developing a true lasting relationship starts with YOU. Before you even look at a single profile or go out on a single date, you need to understand yourself, your priorities and have a healthy relationship with yourself. Two halves do not make a whole when it comes to a healthy relationship: it takes two wholes.
Here are some of the factors we ask ours clients to evaluate themselves on:
Your priorities: Is getting in a healthy, committed relationship one of your top priorities? It is okay if it is not, but be honest to yourself about this. Any relationship takes hard work, time and commitment to develop. If your career, your health, your finances or any other aspects of your life is taking a precedent over getting in a committed relationship, be clear in your mind about this.
Your finances: In this day and age, our finances affect all aspects of our lives. What is your work life like and how it is going to affect your quest for a quality relationship is one of the most ignored subjects I see my clients struggle with.
Your health and physical appearance: Are you in good health, and how do you rate your own looks and body type? Do you think you need to invest more time in getting in shape and improving your health and physical appearance as you get on the journey of finding a potential mate and life partner?
Your baggage: We all have baggage – from previous relationships, divorces and past life experiences. It is important to do a thorough analysis of the preconceived notions that you have. How will this affect your social and love life? You need to evaluate this.
Your expectations: This is a big one, and the one that most of our clients struggle with. Once you have evaluated all other important aspects of your life, how does what you have to offer to the partner match with your expectations in the partner? How do your finances and physical appearance compare to what you seek in your partner? Are you being realistic? Are the restrictions you have in your mind truly deal breakers? Do you have to only date doctors who make more than $500k/year and are over 6’ 2”? Remember, your matchmakers don’t have a magic wand. And there are two sides to this coin of relationship – your expectations need to match what you have to offer to your partner.